Everything seems wrong,VERY WRONG

this few day,dun noe why,i got a feeling,

A FEELING tat telling me something is wrong,

but wat i feel is like everything turn out to be wrong

last wednesday suppose to go back to cameron find all the old fren,

but for the 1st time i reject to go back?lol...(dun hit me 1st,hear my heart)

the plan is going back on 17th morning n come back on 18th morning

but i'm too tired to go back,so i dint go with my family

i stay at home with my sister...

MAYBE U WILL ASK ME:dun i miss u guys?

YEAH!I MISS ALL OF U A LOT!!!

but my stamina is going out...
got to work as 2 worker in daddy shop,n i dun c tat dad gonna find any new worker...T_T
if tat day i really go back,i noe tat i will fall asleep in home with the nice n comfortable bed n sure wont go out :(
going up n down in car sure will make me tire,tats why i dun go back,SRY FREN :(
a feeling of missing fren n wanna to rest is mix up :(
tat day liyan bring me to watch movie,we watch 2 movie,BOOK OF ELI(still okay lar),ALICE IN WONDERLAND(this was great movie)
after tat i went home sleep till late morning...
 i'm getting confuse with my feeling :(
 why a girl keep asking either me got gf or not?!
ask her but she juz say tat she was curious
n we make some joke,n she knew i was just joke,
but what happen yesterday(23/3) was she told me to chase her?!what is happening? ><''
she say she dun like me but she wan me to chase her?i getting blur =.=||
i just know her about 4 or 5 mouth ago,but she wanna me to chase her?lolx?
talk about something else
last time mummy told me to find college for myself
because i dun have time during the day,so i spent many nights to search for information 
but at the end,what parent told me are...
give up the plan and they want me to take form6,so okay,i follow
then now,they wanna me to become a teacher?!they buy the pin for me n force me to apply ><
keep talking about the goods of becoming a teacher to me,and some more what tuition teacher,and many many stuff that i dun like

THIS IS MY FUTURE,WHY CANT I DECIDE MYSELF?! 

i just wan to study oversea,

last time a'level not allow okay la,

i'm taking form6 and this time i gonna get FLAT to go oversea!

then now,wan me to give up this last desire or wish to go oversea?

i wont allow,i will cincai do tat interview of becoming a teacher(if i kena interview)

form6,i dun noe i wan take sains or art,confuse =.=

last time my aim was to become a CPA in accounting,but now,

i just feel like there a too many ppl studying account ady...

got some other subject in my mind also,but i dun noe which 1 i prefer ady T_T

account,psychology,business,writer...i'm getting confuse on wat should i do...

and in daddy shop,
i suppose to help in the shop,but feel like tat shop turn to be mine?lolxxx
ady told daddy tat i dun wan cook for customer,
but this few day daddy keep wanna me to cook,
from serve water then go to kitchen to cook,
i just dun like being like this,it is not right
another stuff tat was in my mind...

the girl tat i like since long ago,

the girl tat say she will not like me again n we will not be togather,

dun noe how,she start sms me again,

during the car-retest,she cheer me up n support me...

1 week before result out she ask wat i'm gonna study...

when i plan to study form6,

she say this to me:i will follow u study form6 in the same sch

my heart shake u noe?

why is she turning back into the nicenice person to me again? ><''

i dun wanna to ask her,but i knew she still got bf now...

she just like to give me hope n crack the hope in the end...

ya,i cant let my past go...

she was keep deep inside my heart...

i told everyone tat i have forget my past but the real fact is i'm cheating myself

i dun wanna be a liar,but i just keep lying to myself,

I HATE MYSELF,i'm such a coward,

i still rmr longlong time ago when she told me to forget about her,

i say tat i luv some1 else n forget her ady...

i just dun like it when she tell me to forget or dun luv her anymore

but i'm just so coward to tell her tat i still luv her

or mayb i should just let my pass away n pray for her?i dun noe

i'm an idiot in luv...

i still rmr got 1 time i almost throw away my life for her

in the past she was so mean to me,but why i still cant let go of the pass?am i  a super idoit?i'm think proberly i am...

there can be no reason for me to luv some1,but why i cant i dun luv some1 with no reason...